It went WHERE?

Where oh where has my libido gone?
Oh where, oh where, can it be?
With it's desire cut short and
it's stimuli cut long,
Oh where, oh where can it be?

Sung to the tune of,  "oh where oh where, has my little dog gone",  these days it might as well be a dog.  It wandered off about the time menopause wandered in, and hasn't bothered to find it's way home since that time.  I wonder how many women this is true for, or if subconciously it became a convienent excuse for me.  I pretty much lost interest, on so many levels, and for so many reasons.  I won't bore you with the details, it's pretty much a hum drum kind of tale, but I realize it's like a lot of things in my life; once I stop devoting any time or effort to the 'cause', whatever it may be, it just strays out of the yard in my mind.  It worked that way with alcohol, although I come from a family of alcoholics.  It worked that way with drugs also for me and I never realized how blessed I am in that respect. 

The only condition it hasn't worked out that way for me is eating.  Eating for me, is like the queen mother of desires.  When I'm full I'm a happy camper, no matter what else is going on around me.  I'm trying to get an idea in my head of how much time I spend each day thinking about food.  I only sleep about four or five hours a night, so that leaves me with about twenty hours of food fixation.  Wow, that's a lot of devotion, albeit, not a good one.  I guess it goes without saying I've been overweight most of my life.  Perhaps a round of psychiatric counseling would unearth whatever triggers all this food contemplation of mine, or maybe I could figure it out by myself, if I took the time.  However, I think I'll go make myself a peanut butter sandwhich and think about it!

My friend is home...

My friend is home, my heart doth soar,
I missed her so very much.
She lifts my spirits, and so much more
She's here for me each day.

My friend is home, I am so glad.
We're miles apart, it's true,
That matters not when friendship is,
An honor among so few.

My friend is home, my smile beams bright;
Although, my skill as a poet is iffy!
It's meant with love and humor light,
I felt inspired to write something!

My friend is home, my heart doth soar,
I missed her so very much.
She lifts my spirits, and so much more
She's here for me each day.

Temptation

I fought temptation a few days ago and won that particular round, but it was difficult.  We, like probably most folks, are having some tight money problems.  I mentioned it to a dear friend of mine and her reply was, "how can I help?"  My brain ripped into overdrive thinking, ahhhh, a solution, albeit temporary, but somehow, I managed to grind my heel down and stop that immediately.  I realize how often I've allowed outside sources to solve my problems for me; and it wasn't a pretty realization. I refused the help kindly as possible, because I love my friend and did NOT want to take advanatage of her.  There are a lot of folks out there I can't say the same about, sadly.

 I haven't worked for almost a year now, I get unemployment and I've managed to keep my part of the bills under control, but most of the burden has fallen on my partner of 30 years and the weight of it is becoming excessive.  I have just about used up my allotment of procrastination for a lifetime, same with excuses, whines and stubborness. 

One of the things that make it even worse is that I have a wonderful talent, anyone that follows these blogs knows that I quill.  I love doing it, but have yet to get up off my duff and go out and promote it.  I have a zillion reasons why I don't; ie, the economy, the weather, something else comes up.  Yadda, yadda, y'all get the drift, I'm sure. 

So I send my apologies, even though she doesn't know how close she came to being snared in my trap.  I have laid out my slothful nature for the world and will now be more vigilant of my shortfalls.  Love heals all wounds, sometimes quickly, sometimes not, but it does make you snap to attention.  You may not like what you see, but it doesn't change the fact that it exists.  Thank you my friend, you didn't know what transpired in my head at that moment, but now you do, and I hope it won't change our connection. 

With love and respect......