Did anyone watch NCIS last night? I like the program most of the time, have been known to watch the reruns when they do the marathons, but last night really bothered me. I ended up hitting mute and coming over here to the computer to do anything that would take my eyes away from the tv screen. He, Gibbs, got to talk to the dead last night and I have to say I just hate those kind of shows. NCIS writers certainly aren't the first to build a story around this concept, but it was especially irritating to me last night.
It may be my emotions are a little more raw these days as we just recently found out my daughter has cancer. We are still waiting on the results as to what kind and what stage it is at, but I'm having difficulty dealing with all this. I've lost my other child already, well, he was 28, hardly a child, but to me age wasn't the issue. I've lost my mom, if you follow my blogs, you know this already too. I understand on an intellectual level that this is how it works for most of us; as we age, we begin to lose our friends and family. What chips at my heart is that we aren't supposed to outlive our children. At least, that's what I thought, there are hundreds of thousands of us out here that know that's not how it works. Wars, drugs, accidents, arguments, craziness with a gun in their hand; all this and more contribute to the family members left behind. You see them on the news, eyes glazed, a piece of their hearts turned to dust as the realization sets in.
I know I should end this in an upbeat manner, but I'm just not feeling that yet. Whatever the news is, and it will likely come today sometime, I am still reeling from the initial shock of the whole situation. The NCIS program brought a lot of feelings to the surface last night, anger, I think first and foremost, because it's just not true, at least for me. I didn't get to tell my son and my mom good bye, both of them were gone too soon.
I can only tell you to appreciate each day, even if it's a lousy one, and remember to stop and smell the roses each and everyday. It's a bit of advice my mom used to give me and I could have done a better job at it. Retrospect is certainly 20/20.
Kim -
ReplyDeleteOur mom knew you were there -- dedicated to making her as comfortable as possible. You stayed with her & talked & laughed with her; the two of you renewed your friendship - and I know she appreciated you being there. (I can never express how grateful I was that you were there - so that we could shoulder her illness together).
And we'll pray that Jennifer recovers from this & comes out happy & whole.
I love you, sis.
Hun this will be the loneliest of times for both of you. For Jen of course but for you too. It is a terror all parents live with. WE push it to the back of our consciousness but it is always there, needling us daily when they are late or didn't call. There are so many aspects of life that do not go to the divine plan - no consolation there - but wasting your precious energy on the 'what ifs' helps no one. Be there now. Be there 1 million percent and give everything you have left. It will be the greatest gift and consolation. And when she walks away from this it will be a whole new day.....
ReplyDeleteYou know I am thinking of you all right now.
Big hugs!
M
By the way Kimmy - stop by my blog and check out the award I have given you.
ReplyDelete