Organized.......NOT!

      I scramble through this ever present stack of notes in front of me, shaking my head and wondering why I ever thought this kind of 'system' would work!  Write it down and leave it lay amonst the plethora of other little notes given the same fate.  I'm looking for a particular piece of paper that I am having a battle in my head about.  'I hope I find it/I hope I don't find it' kind of struggle rages in my brain.  It is a phone nimber, I'm seeking, for the doctor that just recently informed me that my daughter has cancer. 
    I lapse into a vacuum of sorts, surrounded by a myriad of thoughts.  I only gave birth to two children, I have two other boys I raised that call me 'mom', and I love them as my own.  My son was killed in a car accident 18 years ago, so now I wonder, will I outlive both of my babies.  It just feels so wrong somehow, as much as I miss my  mom, that is how things are supposed to occur.  You grow up, your parents age, and sadly, somewhere along the way, they pass. 
     There is still much to be learned about my daughter and her condition.  We don't know more than we know, although what we do know is devastating to all.  My intelligent side knows they have made great strides in the treatment of cancer, people are living longer and cures are constantly being researched and discovered.  My emotional side is still reeling; I can't help but think odd things like what the hell did I do wrong to get all this crap dumped in my lap?  That's how low I can sink when I'm handed news I don't want to get.  It isn't about me at all, so I need to shake that nonsense off and follow with my favorite quote from The Shawshank Redemption:
GET BUSY LIVIN' OR GET BUSY DYING.
      As Bill told her you have cancer, cancer doesn't have you, unless you give in to it.  He knows of what he speaks, having been through the diagnosis, surgery and radiation treatment himself.  The death knell tolls only if you refuse to get busy living and fill your head with thoughts of living and what life has to offer. 
       So I have now managed to locate that elusive piece of paper, and as soon as it's a resonable time of day, I will call and ask my questions about treatments, options, prognosis, etc.  I will make it through this and stay in the wonder of what tomorrow will bring.

Rain

The rain  comes down
We run with glee...
Splashing, laughing
feeling so free.

Child & Mother
equal in age,
for that brief time
A storybook page.

The crystalline drops
fly to and fro.
We reach to the sky
then to earth below.

A memory captured
Childhood redone,
Moments so fleeting
Treasured as one.

Beauty

     I'm pretty sure that this morning is the first time in my life I have ever awakened to snow outside my windows.  It is an incredibly beautiful sight, when I first looked out early this a.m. nothing had sullied the panorama I beheld.  White bedecked the trees and bushes along the tips, creating such a delight to my eyes.  No tire tracks or footprints, just a sea of crystalline beauty.

    

      The weather predictors told us this was coming.  I made sure we went to the store yesterday for whatever we might need.  As lovely as this is, I don't particularly want to be driving in it.  We don't have chains or snow tires, so we'll be staying in for a while today.  Good day to devote to chores that need our attention.  Good day for baking, or making a pot of soup.  Our wood stove will be busy today too, keeping us snug and comfy. 
     
       I try to wake each morning with a fresh and positive look on life, this view gave me a new reason to smile.  I wish it could be so for everyone, but I know that won't be the case for a myriad of reasons.  Hope springs eternal that some day each and everyone of us awakes with love in our hearts, a positive outlook and wishes that come true.

    

Quilling

Quilling, is, for me
a great opportunity
to let my mind run free
allow all 'stuff' to be.

Quilling is my time
a moment so sublime.
High hopes do climb
I can make this all rhyme!

Quilling fills my heart,
takes me worlds apart
creating is a start
of a beautiful art.

Quilling keeps me sane,
laziness is my bane.
Let flowers ease the pain,
and desire never wane.

Poetry & Trees

Joyce Kilmer. 1886–1918

Trees

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,	5
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.	10
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree I wish I'd of written this, it has been one of my absolute favorites since childhood.  I'm 61 so that's quite a bit of time.  I live in the Northwest now, where seasons actually change and there are so many amazing sights to see.  Each season has it's own speciality, but Fall and Winter for me put on a display that boggles the mind.  Fall brings the color show, oranges, reds, golds and greens to delight one's eyes.  As the leaves drop to the ground, a carpet of color is spread across the landscape, delighting small children as they are tossed overhead into the gentle winds.  As you look up, the structure of the trees is visible, epitomizing strength and form that fills my heart with joy. This is one of my favorite trees, it is unique to the surrounding varieties of trees that stand guard over the Columbia River Gorge highway.  Up close the growth takes on a  lace-like appearance that isn't readily apparent from a distance.  Covered with leaves, it's the perfect place to seek shelter from the heat of summer and excellent for hide-and-seek!  I could spend hours there, were I a child again; my imagination leaps into overdrive just looking at the picture!  There are dragons to be slain and unicorns to shelter from the evils of the world.  Perhaps part of me has never grown up and this tree, as Kilmer' poem, inspire that curious and imaginative little person to peek out between the branches.  I am thankful that part of me still exists, she occasionally gets lost in the responsibilities of life; when one forgets what is important.  Life, family, friends and a secret place to hide when there seems no where else to turn.  Live well, laugh often.........

A Better Place

      This makes me think of Heaven, that last look at earth before we step out of our bodies and go to wherever one goes.  I use the term heaven for lack of a better one, I want it to be a beautiful place that frees us from the stress and rat race mentality that locks us to this planet.  I want it to be a place where no unkind words are spoken, where abuse does not exist.  If it's not, well, what's the purpose of all this madness, anyway, where money is our God and people treat one another as steps to use to get what 'they' want.  Not everyone, certainly, but if there's even just one, isn't that one too many?    I have to stop and take a look at my own life and ask, am I that one?  As I age, I learn the true meaning of life, as least in my world, is to be blessed enough to surround yourself with friends and family that love you.  This goodness is worth more than all the gold and silver in the universe.  Friends and family will get you through all the tough times.  They alleviate the need to constantly 'prove' your worth, for to them you are worthy of everything, as they are to you. 

     I call these cloud feathers, they appear in our skies above the starkness of the tree silouettes that await spring and new growth.  We must not wait ourselves, each and every day is an opportunity to grow and change, let us not waste that gift.  Let love be the opportunity taken that propels our hearts and minds towards kindness, compassion and acceptance for everyone; wouldn't the world be a better place?  I know mine would.......