It went WHERE?

Where oh where has my libido gone?
Oh where, oh where, can it be?
With it's desire cut short and
it's stimuli cut long,
Oh where, oh where can it be?

Sung to the tune of,  "oh where oh where, has my little dog gone",  these days it might as well be a dog.  It wandered off about the time menopause wandered in, and hasn't bothered to find it's way home since that time.  I wonder how many women this is true for, or if subconciously it became a convienent excuse for me.  I pretty much lost interest, on so many levels, and for so many reasons.  I won't bore you with the details, it's pretty much a hum drum kind of tale, but I realize it's like a lot of things in my life; once I stop devoting any time or effort to the 'cause', whatever it may be, it just strays out of the yard in my mind.  It worked that way with alcohol, although I come from a family of alcoholics.  It worked that way with drugs also for me and I never realized how blessed I am in that respect. 

The only condition it hasn't worked out that way for me is eating.  Eating for me, is like the queen mother of desires.  When I'm full I'm a happy camper, no matter what else is going on around me.  I'm trying to get an idea in my head of how much time I spend each day thinking about food.  I only sleep about four or five hours a night, so that leaves me with about twenty hours of food fixation.  Wow, that's a lot of devotion, albeit, not a good one.  I guess it goes without saying I've been overweight most of my life.  Perhaps a round of psychiatric counseling would unearth whatever triggers all this food contemplation of mine, or maybe I could figure it out by myself, if I took the time.  However, I think I'll go make myself a peanut butter sandwhich and think about it!

My friend is home...

My friend is home, my heart doth soar,
I missed her so very much.
She lifts my spirits, and so much more
She's here for me each day.

My friend is home, I am so glad.
We're miles apart, it's true,
That matters not when friendship is,
An honor among so few.

My friend is home, my smile beams bright;
Although, my skill as a poet is iffy!
It's meant with love and humor light,
I felt inspired to write something!

My friend is home, my heart doth soar,
I missed her so very much.
She lifts my spirits, and so much more
She's here for me each day.

Temptation

I fought temptation a few days ago and won that particular round, but it was difficult.  We, like probably most folks, are having some tight money problems.  I mentioned it to a dear friend of mine and her reply was, "how can I help?"  My brain ripped into overdrive thinking, ahhhh, a solution, albeit temporary, but somehow, I managed to grind my heel down and stop that immediately.  I realize how often I've allowed outside sources to solve my problems for me; and it wasn't a pretty realization. I refused the help kindly as possible, because I love my friend and did NOT want to take advanatage of her.  There are a lot of folks out there I can't say the same about, sadly.

 I haven't worked for almost a year now, I get unemployment and I've managed to keep my part of the bills under control, but most of the burden has fallen on my partner of 30 years and the weight of it is becoming excessive.  I have just about used up my allotment of procrastination for a lifetime, same with excuses, whines and stubborness. 

One of the things that make it even worse is that I have a wonderful talent, anyone that follows these blogs knows that I quill.  I love doing it, but have yet to get up off my duff and go out and promote it.  I have a zillion reasons why I don't; ie, the economy, the weather, something else comes up.  Yadda, yadda, y'all get the drift, I'm sure. 

So I send my apologies, even though she doesn't know how close she came to being snared in my trap.  I have laid out my slothful nature for the world and will now be more vigilant of my shortfalls.  Love heals all wounds, sometimes quickly, sometimes not, but it does make you snap to attention.  You may not like what you see, but it doesn't change the fact that it exists.  Thank you my friend, you didn't know what transpired in my head at that moment, but now you do, and I hope it won't change our connection. 

With love and respect......

My Bad......

I'm sorry my friend I missed you this morning
My mind doesn't always keep me true
We share our thoughts and dreams with each other
We laugh and we cry each day anew.

You're always there for me, no matter what
Sometimes your pain's so severe;
Even so you're unfailing in your support
beside me, though you're not near.

So my day will not be as good as it could,
I missed my chance to share with you.
I hope you'll forgive me my error this day
and know that my respect is so true.

Sleep well and when you awake, I'll be here
I can't reel back time undo my snafu;
I can hold fast and assure you I care.
My allegiance is first to you!

Look Ma.... I'm on TV!

Guest Post by Marlia

OK so today was a thriller for Ms Kim Kollert as it was for those who love her to pieces.

She was invited to do a Quilling demonstration on the AM NORTHWEST show on KATU TV.

Having been very very busy working on quilling projects for Christmas - and you can see some of her goods on the Kim's Gift Shoppe tab above - she appeared this morning live on air and impressed the hostess, Helen Raptis, with the variety of beautiful xmas decorations, snowflakes and gift tags that she makes.


 <---- The Green Room

The set of AM Northwest

The show's hosts Helen Raptis and Dave Anderson getting ready to go on air...










Here is the full segment as recorded live.....Kim Kollert Quilling

If you are interested in purchasing any of these lovely items as gifts for Christmas you can contact Kim via her email address kimkollert78@gmail.com.

 
And, just because...here are a few more gorgeous samples to tempt you...

My Wish

My wish to you all is that love fills your life,
that your heart swells each day and each night.
Let this day remind us of all that we have
and provide us with fuel for the fight!

We must ever be vigilant  
And keep our demons at bay.
As they threaten to trip us
We'd be lost in the fray!

Hold high up your beacon
that beckons to all
Don't forget those we've lost
They echo the call.

Love deeply of your life and family
no matter if they're near or far
Don't waste your precious time
Reaching for a forbidden star.

Recognize all your blessings,
today on this day.
Too many are lacking,
too tired to pray.

My wish to you all is that love fills your life,
that your heart swells each day and each night.
Let this day remind us of all that we have
and provide us with fuel for the fight!

Be Careful WHAT You Ask For!

      Be careful what you ask for, how often do you hear that statement?  More to the point, how often do you heed that statement?  How often are we caught in situations when we promise anything just to get out of them?  If I survive this, I WILL stop smoking, drinking, overeating, swearing.......take your pick, we have all chosen one or the other over the years.  Do we follow through?  Hmmmm, the twenty million dollar question; we do when it's convenient, I'm guessing.  Do we think before we utter those promises?  Or is it a say anything, do anything last ditch effort to remedy an event in our lives that seems so traumatic at the time.
    Be careful what you ask for.  I've said and thought these words so many times.  Most often the reply is, "oh yeah, you're right!"  I'm not looking for confirmation of my wit and wisdom here; I'm trying to gently remind myself, first of all, then you, of the impact that words can have in our lives.  What if we were called upon to honor those promises today.........could we?  Take a stroll down memory lane, have we actually done even half of the things we adamantly insisted we would do? 
      Be careful what you ask for, my friends, you just might get it!

To my Sister.......

    My dear sister, how can I tell you thank you one more time with all the gratefullness I can muster?  You have once again given of yourself in so many ways and I can only tell you thank you and I love and appreciate you so much.  It seems so little in return, in some respect, yet it's what I have to offer you.  We've had a lot of ups and downs throughout the years, and the fact that we are sisters has strengthened the bond, no matter what life has thrown at us. 
     Family is everything and ours is dwindling as the years progress, I'm sorry to say.  In spite of that, we stay standing beside one another no matter of the maelstorm around us, no matter the miles between us or how different our lifestyles are.   Love overrides all of those things and there is no way to ever repay you for all you've done, all I can do is bow my head in thanks and keep the love strong.

Enough already

      Ok, I've had it!  I'm through with Two and a half Men.  I missed it Monday night, but I'm certainly not losing any sleep over that.  I have seen Kutcher's bare butt now and heard reference to the size of his 'manhood' too many times.  Also, I am sick of hearing him whine about how much he loves his ex-wife whilst bedding any and everyone that will have him.  This show had it's faults with Charlie Sheen, Lord knows, but they've beat this horse to death, no pun intended, at least for me. 
       To me it's indicative of a lot of things that are wrong with so called entertainment and it's sad to me that this is the best they can do.  Give us some suspense, make us think or at least try to figure out the outcome, with 2 1/2 it's sadly obvious where it's going each week as the abuse seems to be amassing at the cost of the Alan character.  I've never been a big fan of practical jokes, having been the butt of them all too often as a younster, perhaps, has jaded my thinking on them. 
       I realize that this is the kind of thing that makes money, and after all, isn't that what the game is all about?  I certainly wouldn't turn down Kutchers salary for a week if someone offered it to me, but isn't there some other direction this could go in?  At least give it some kind of storyline that doesn't involve debasing one another and frolicking about naked every week.  Isn't there enough degradation already in the world?  For the ones of us that have been at the back end of the line, the last to be chosen, I say give it a rest.  Let's work on building ones self esteem instead of grinding it into the ground with the heel of one's boot.  Love makes all the difference in the world......

Time Flies

        Christmas.  It's almost here again.  It's staggering how fast the days, hours and minutes go; hurtling across my mind like a whirlwind.  Most of my days are spent in our garage lately, I have a work area set up there to go and get lost in.  It's a little cold out there, but I do have a heater so I manage not to turn into a popsicle!
         Everyday is a learning experience for me, new patterns and ideas to experiment with; new things to think about with the holidays coming.  I came very close to flip flopping into the world of commercialism this week.  Instead of thinking about what we would be doing, or whom we would be sharing that time with, I was focusing on how I could make this a lucrative time for me. 

          I love to quill, it's my escape from the helter skelter of the real world out there.  No issues, no disappointments, no worries.  Does it get any better than that?   Quilling for me has always been a special time, and the Holidays are an inspiration, certainly.  But I know in my heart I will never get rich doing this, not in a monetary sense, anyway.  My life is rich in other ways, the ways that really count. I have family and friends that will be there long after my ability to curl paper is gone.
         So, this is a early Happy Holiday to all that venture into my world of blogging.  So many friends and family have passed out of my life over the years, so the ones that remain are very precious to me.  With love and respect to all............

       

      Yes, my friend, one garden is enough, especially one as loved and beautiful as yours.  It adds a space in this world of chaos and mayhem for one to be at peace.  A moment in time, that time forgot, that the calm enveloped you and held you in it's arms, rocking you tenderly.
      Each of us dearly need our own gardens, be they real or in our minds; a place we can go to when the world seems to be crumbling down around us, even though it isn't really.  We are a odd lot sometimes, thinking ours are the only problems or issues that need any attention.  We are but tiny saplings standing in a grove of gigantic Redwood trees, insisting that our dilemmas are equal in importance to the size of the monolith by which we grow. 
      Tend your garden well, nourish and sustain all that grows and each and everyday stand amongst the flowers and draw in their healing scent.  For that time that you take to be still and inhale their gift to you, is time to appreciate all that you have and that you are.  Be grateful for the rain, winds and sunshine, for they are all components that enhance all that you are in your garden of life.  We are all but seedlings, ever growing and reaching for the sky above, spreading up and out and wrapping our tendrils of love and compassion to those who've forgotten what that means. 
      Never cease to tend your garden, reach out each and everyday to someone, the need is so great.  There is never too much empathy for our fellow gardeners and shared knowledge is a wonderful gift one can give; it doesn't cost anything and in truth, enhances our wealth a hundredfold.  The wealth that counts, love, compassion, caring; all increase our life accounts beyond our wildest dreams.
    

          I lie awake, thinking.....

        I'm sitting here playing Bejeweled, it's still dark outside and through my head is running...."In the wee small hours of the morning, when the whole damn world is fast asleep..."  damn, darn, not sure about that one word, but forgive me this error, it's easy enough to check online, but I don't.  From that line in the song, my mind slides off to the side and wonder how many of us lie awake at night whilst our minds run willy nilly.  How many of us make promises we never seem able to keep?  Promises to ourselves-I'll start that diet, I'll quit smoking, I'll do random acts of kindness.  We all know; and we mean it when we say it, but do we follow through?  And does it seem less concrete, less believeable made in the darkness and quiet of the night?  Is that how we justify it to ourselves in the light of the day.  Then when night falls and the whole damn world is fast asleep, do we once again commit ourselves to becoming a better person? 
            Days are so busy, family, jobs, job searching; maintaining your home and all the hurry/scurry things that involves.  Are we able to pause occasionally and remember those promises we so adamantly made to ourselves?  Easy to forget in the daily routines we have wedged ourselves into.  What if we were to take one per day and just work on that?  Make it our mantra for the day, I honestly don't know if this works.  It's definitely worth a try, I believe that anything we set our minds to do, we can do.  Let me know if you have any luck, it feels like it should improve us. 
          So in the wee small hours, we can smile and give ourselves a hug, or a pat on the back, knowing we've done all we can do.

      Musings.......

         Write.  What comes to mind?  Everything and nothing, I guess, bits and pieces of events, conversations, faces; like puzzle pieces strewn across a table waiting to put together.  Kind of like life, isn't it?  We're given all the things we need, what we do with them is up to us.  Each of us has our own strategy, we sort by color or we sort by shape, all the edges in their own area, and the corners, they're the first I look for. 
        Why is it we don't start out with the knowledge that we need to get through the difficulties of life?  Parenthood doesn't come with any kind of manual, nor does surviving all the trials and tribulations that come with growing up.  I have come pretty close to a full circle in life, I think.  What I know, all that I have learned, and sadly, all that I have forgotten would fill a vast arena and that arena is filled with puzzle pieces, sorted and stacked and waiting.      
        We never stop learning, I hope that's true, I am sure our short time here is not at all long enough to learn all there is to learn.  We are given what we need, anything extra we pick up by choice, adding clutter and baggage just in case we might be having too good of a day.....drop the excess and believe you are deserve all the beauty that life has to offer.  Why don't we believe that?  Oh yeah, sounds real good, easy to say, yadda yadda.......just drop the crap and leap and bound through life soaking up the love like rays of sunshine.

       Find what makes  you happy, run with it.  Stand before a tree and sing your song of love.  Lay on your back and watch the clouds drift overhead.  Walk among the flowers and see the dew diamonds sparkling, lighting up the path before you.  This is what makes me happy, creating bouquets and snowflakes.  Each of us have a talent inside, let it out, set it free with wild abandon and let it take you for a ride.  Be safe, be free, be love.........

The art of Quilling. Guest post by Marlia.

 This is a guest post by Marlia of Marliasworld.blogspot.com


Quilling is a craft I never heard of until I became acquainted with my now very dear friend Kim Kollert, aka Hopeful Writer. 

Quilling...not to be confused with quilting, is a unique paper craft based on curled strips of paper shaped and and composed into many configurations.  Also known as paper filigree or paper rolling there are different theories as to  its origin.  Some believe it to originate from egyptian times, others  say it began in China with the creation of paper in the first century AD.  During the 4th and 5th centuries silver and gold wire was curled to make jewellery.  The word quilling arose from the use at one time of goose feathers (or quills).

Ok enough history.

My purpose in this post is to advertise Kim's wares.  I have already been the beneficiary of her work and recently also purchased some of her christmas goodies, including gift tags, ornaments and snowflake decorations.  Since my purchase her range of products has expanded.

Followers of this blog will have seen her work in my post about the software giveaway last month.  You may not have realised what you were seeing so here is some of it again...

A card to cheer me up......

 A framed piece to decorate my desk...

...and another frame from my wall....

Here are samples of her Christmas wares....

Just click on any picture to enter the album and see them in larger format...

 

Different colour snowflakes to adorn the Christmas tree.

She has mini Wreaths as either ornaments for your tree or as magnets for your fridge.

And below her newest angel design gift tags.

If you are interested in purchasing any of these items with Christmas on the horizon you can contact Kim direct via email - KimKollert78@gmail.com.

Kim will provide you with pricing and postage costs.  Since I live in Australia and she lives in Oregon it is obvious she will ship worldwide.

You may be wondering what is in this for me.  Well... nothing except support for my dear friend Kim.  Plus, I spoke recently in my blog about us returning to our roots and taking up crafts again.  Well here is a craft that is unique and beautiful.  So just imagine your house, gifts and xmas tree decorated with some of the above treasures.  Mine will be.  

Just remember this stuff is hand made, and not from cheap flimsy paper either as Kim uses a higher grade card instead.  She works painstakingly over many hours to make them.  So while you can go to K-mart and buy 10 ornaments for $20 the problem is that they are the same as everyone else's.  A few of Kim's wares in your house will be a talking point for you and your friends. 

I paid for mine via Kim's PayPal account so it was easy. 

So how about supporting Kim in her fledgling cottage industry based in her garage in beautiful Wood Village, Oregon.

Email her today ----> kimkollert78@gmail.com. 

Visit her blog -----> http://hopefulwriter-kk.blogspot.com/ 

*****
End of Guest post.  This post appears in Marliasworld.blogspot.com

The Whistle in the Distance

         The whistle of a train sounds in the distance and for a moment, I am a child again.  I had a flash of a memory from long ago; the call of the wild echos across my mind.  What a delightful way to live, my young mind thought, to live free, see new sights, work a while, rest a while.......ahhhh is this heaven?  In reality, of course, it wasn't all good times, I'm sure.  My guess is the men and women that rode the trains went hungry a lot, longed for a clean bed, a hot bath and a table laden with good food.  But that spirit that aches inside still yearned for an escape sometimes.  Not because things were bad, there were those times also, but because each and every one of us wishes for that freedom in some sense of the word. 
        We crave what we can't have, I guess, and as a child those things seem possible.  As an adult, real life steps in and says "not on my watch buddy".  Grow up, act your age, don't be childish....have we not all heard these admonishments?  With childhood came a freedom, a train whistle brings that aspiration of a life not hampered by the daily round of worry and frustration.  A fantasy of each day with no demands and the time and money to come and go as one pleases.  We all know in our hearts the guy with the million dollar check isn't coming to the door, but the dreamer  in all of us keeps one ear tuned for the doorbell, just in case. 
        So, on we go, the solution within ourselves to use or not, as we choose.  Be grateful for each day, get up, do your best, cherish your friends and family and give yourself your due.  Each of us is worthy of the best each day can bring, believe it, live it and appreciate what you do have, my friends, the alternative has no options at all. 

Hunger

             Hunger, really an odd word if you look at it too long.  I guess that holds true for a lot of words, but tonight this is the one at the top of the list for me.  It has a lot of definitions, here's a new one on me; appetency,  according to my Wordsmyth dictionary, it is an intense craving or desire.  So, it's not unlike an addiction, and for me that addiction is to food.  For my partner, it's alcohol, so how can I judge him for his, when I have so little control over my own?  I'm losing weight, only because I went and got hypnotized a few months ago, it worked for me to help me stop smoking.  Thirty years and three packs a day, all gone in a half an hour session; I am so grateful.  I am struggling with the weight loss to a certain degree, it wasn't as absolute as the smoking session was.  I'm hungry almost all the time, and I'm not sure it's always food that I want, although, it would be a rarity for me to turn it down.  I am eating better, I must say, not so much junk and/or fried foods, hence the weight loss. 
           So what is the real need?  And why does a full stomach seem to beat back the demons for a time?  Am I strong enough to  reach into that viper pit and pull out the one labeled 'hunger"?  Will it slowly rise to the surface, it's ascent hampered by all the "I want" and "I needs" hanging on for dear life?  Each of those little monsters clamoring for attention; 'fix me', 'help me', 'no ME, I'm more important'.  I wonder, if we could deal with all these little ogres, is there a svelte and sylphlike goddess just waiting to manifest before our mirror?  Would our hearts and spirits soar higher if not encumbered by our worries and fears?  Do we dare to find out?

To my friend Marlia, I say thank you for being so strong.  Reading your blog this a.m. inspired me to write, because someone in my life is like that woman behind the counter at the hardware store.  Thinking only of themselves, and pretty much ignoring anything that is good in their life.  Self pity rarely serves any good purpose that I can see, although, probably every person indulges in it from time to time.  It's what you do about it that makes all the difference in the world.  It also changes all the worlds around you of the people you love. 
I want to grab this sad person and tell them, WAKE UP!  Life is a gift and you are standing on it crushing it into the ground because it's just too much effort to lean down and pick it up.  Enough, already, take that bedraggled gift and be appreciative of what you have.  It may not be much in the eyes of someone like Bill Gates, by it should be enough for the likes of us.  We should thrive on the love of friends and family, for in the end, money and things won't count for a lick.  Love, on the other hand, counts for everything and will get you through irregardless of your worth on the stock market of life. 
Thank you my dear friend, for reminding me that we all have that choice that I so love to quote:

GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING.......

Within the Beauty

This is undoubtedly one of the seven wonders of my worlds.  I have stood in this spot, looked at this view and snapped this scene so many times; it is breathtaking in it's glory to me.  The Columbia River looks calm from up here, but don't be fooled by the calm surface.  It is a metaphor for our lives, all kinds of emotions roil and rage beneath the facade that we put forth for the world to see.

Storm clouds gather and fill the horizon with the promise of rain to come.  Yet beneath them lies a vista of trees and grasses, stretching as far as one can see.  The panorama extends in all directions, your eyes can barely absorb the resplendence that plays out with each sweep of the spectacle that is the Gorge.  Again, as in life, it may fool one into a false sense of security, things are rarely what they appear to be.  Beneath the overview of beauty, another world exists, fraught with danger and fears.  We do our best to keep these beneath the mantle of debris we use to disguise our insecurities and phobias; emotions all  of us have to some degree and have learned to deal with as best we can, daily mulchings of love and acceptance work wonders in the great scheme of life. 

For even in the decay beneath our feet, life moves forward, sending up seedlings that will grow and reach their massive arms skyward.  Small creatures scuttle and scurry, doing their best to hasten the process of regeneration and creation, unseen by most, but occurring in spite of our lack of acknowledgement.  Even the things that we cannot control move and grow, as life goes forward we are forever faced with choices; i.e. right/wrong, good/bad, kind/mean.  Each and everyday brings us the opportunity to be like the mighty oaks, strong, true and reaching for the source of life, beneath the surface and above.  Solid roots of love and respect, for ourselves and each other, our trunks standing staunch and true able to hold our arms up, ever reaching towards the skies.  They spread far and wide to encompass our friends and family, knowing the true meaning of life is to love and be loved.  Loving each other is the key to forming the roots that will keep our hearts and minds strong, family and friends form the base, sharing and growing tall, capturing all into the web that bonds us all together.

This was the sky I woke up to this morning, the promise of rain so close as the clouds slowly drifted into my line of vision.  A promise given of another day to savor life to its fullest.  If we don't do this each day, we have no one to blame but ourselves.  Stop to look around you occasionally at the wonders of the world.  Did you look up today to see what might be floating above you?   Perhaps a dragon, or dolphins at play in the sea foam?  When did you last see a sunrise, I was fortunate enough to see a very special one just a few days ago......

This is just one of the pictures I took, it gives me the sensation of being in space, looking down at our planet, as the orange tide ebbs and flows beneath me.  I share these pictures on Facebook for anyone and everyone to see.  But even more than seeing someone elses' pictures, look up once in a while.  Sunsets are quite lovely also, and to be shared.  I wonder how many people never notice them, so sad.  Have you walked in a park lately?  Stopped to smell a rose?  Taken notice of the birds, heard their songs or the staccato tapping of a woodpecker?  Life is so much more, please don't let the beauty of it slip by you.  Learn to listen, give more than you take, love as if it's the greatest gift that you can give and keep your eyes forward.  That which is behind you is just that, behind you, we move and grow and that allows our universes to expand.  Be safe, be free, be loved...........

I really like this picture, there are a few more similar to it that I like just as well, it's very unique, al least for me.  I just happened to be lucky enough to be up that particular morning and catch this spectacular sunrise.  It just took my breath away, I felt so blessed to a viewer of the pageant that played out for me for those fifteen or twenty minutes.  The colors were spectacular for that little slice of the day, I felt as if it was just for me.  Maybe it was, these days so many things inspire me to write, and it's a very good thing I don't have to put film in a camera anymore.  I can't get enough clouds, the variations are never-ending.  Trees, flowers, moss, lichens, wood, you name it, it's a picture in my head already.  The camera just allows me to put it here or on Facebook to share with my friends.  I dream of having an opportunity to put these in a book, a book of clouds, sunrises and sunsets, they stir my soul each and everyday.  We need these moments, we need to remember there is more than keyboards, moniters, televisions, steel, bricks and mortar.  I'm afraid if we forget those things, we'll all end up in a horror novel, cold and alone, having forgotten the the words to the song of life.

What happened?

        Do you ever just sit and wonder at how the world has changed?  I'm 61 and have seen a lot of things come and go just in that short time on this planet.  Sometimes it's absolutely overwhelming.
        What happened to food servers that wear hairnets, for instance?  Have we progressed so fast and so far in our lives that we no longer mind finding hair in our food?  I know I haven't hit that particular pinnacle.
        What happened to the simplicity of childhood?  We ran and played until that last loud yell-KIMBERLEY!-made me know I better move my little butt and head for home.  The cowboys and indians, the princesses and their courts , all had to be sent on their way too for the night.  Now we listen to the news of our children and video games, childhood obesity on the rise and wonder why.
         What happened to sitting on our porches, swinging gently to the music of the night?  Talk, or not, hold hands, or not, watch the stars as they leisurely stroll across the skies, sadly, all lost arts. 
        What happened to manners?  Consideration for others?  I cannot remember the last time I was out in public and didn't have to listen to someone else's conversation filled with the "F" word.  It's tossed around now like a basketball, no regard for age, gender or location.
         Progress, oh yes, I hear that, and in some respects, yes, we've jumped by leaps and bounds.  But, have we progressed in the things that truly matter?  When it all comes crashing down around us, do you know your neighbor well enough to go and ask for help?  My mom told me so many times, stop and smell the roses. 
           I got it mom, thanks.....

Judgement

     I did my best as a mother, there's no instuction booklet handed out as you near your delivery date.  Maybe you're lucky enough to have been given some guidelines by family, or maybe motherhood is suddenly dropped in your lap; here ya go, ready or not!
     But the point of all this is, we do the best we can with what we know.  As our children grow and have families of their own, if they feel they are a better parent, perhaps they're not remembering how they learned to be a good parent.  Where do those lessons come from?  From being loved and nurtured throughout your early years and feeling confident about your ability to pass those teachings on as you grow and mature. 
     I grew up a happy child, certainly there were problems in my life, but overall I was blessed with a mother that loved me and I knew that.  We played in the rain, ran barefoot through the puddles and she was there for me to help me raise my two children.  We didn't always agree, but even those times were a learning experience. 
     Be careful how you judge others, each person does the best they can with the knowledge they have at the time.  It may not meet your standards that you have today, but you can't always know what drives a person.  Until you have walked in their shoes, until you can say with all certainty you've done a better job, then hold your tongue.  We are all fallible, don't be so quick to say another is more so than you.  Accept the results and move on to living your life the best you possibly can, you may be in that same position one day.  The only judgement that really matters comes much later in the game, many of us have tried ourselves and found a guilty verdict.  We can't go back, all that has gone before this moment is a done deal.  So choose how you live very carefully, you only get 60 or 70 years to get it right.  It goes in a blink of an eye.
      Love unconditonally, give all you can give, each and every day that you walk the planet.  Every moment of every day is an opportunity to lessen the weight of that guilty verdict.  Make each day count, we only have a limited window open to us.  As Picard would say...."Make it so"

Good day, bad day..........

       I can't say my day today was a good one, I won't bore you with the whys and wherefores, you will just have to take my word for it...I find, as I age, I'm not as patient as I used to be.  Is this because the realization that our time here is a lot shorter comes up to slap us in the face?  Pay attention!  Appreciate all that you have, look around and take an inventory for yourself, of yourself. 
       There are no words for me to describe the incredible value of our friends, the English language is quite inadequate for this purpose.  My friend helped me tonight, just by being here for me.  In learning to appreciate all that I have, my friend tops the list of fineness. 
        Maybe my first statement isn't an entirely true one, maybe what happens each day and how we 'rate' it on a scale of good to bad, lies in the eye of the beholder.  If things go our way, it's a good day; should someone or something throw  a wrench in the works, it's not as good as we hoped it would be.  So where does the responsibility of how it goes rest?  If I could rise each day, expecting nothing except good things, would that direct my brain to interpret only positives no matter what takes place?  Would it be better to expect nothing at all, leaving the possibilities wide open?  Maybe there would be no disappointments since expecting nothing leaves no room for that?  Somehow that sounds so.......apathetic?  That isn't a viable choice, apathy, lethargy, inertia aren't on the list of options either.
      Could it be that my day wasn't really bad, but that my attitude toward the events that took place was bad?  Can we teach ourselves to find the good in everything, see another persons actions as just that, actions.  If we don't take it personally does that eliminate another persons ability to hurt us?  To that, I say yes, it makes sense to me that we allow that to happen.  I'm thinking if we're satisfied with ourselves, if we believe in ourselves, then  no one can hurt us.  Because we refuse to take on their baggage, it cannot weigh us down, we can stay free and clear, content with our knowledge we are good enough.  No one can take that from us as long as we hold strong.  Do not loosen your grip on your life, live it to the fullest and revel in the music that we dance through life to.

Hear me

     I was stabbed in the heart yesterday by the sight of an elderly man, standing on a sidewalk and holding a sign requesting help with his wifes' medical bills.  He was neatly dressed and must of been feeling desperate beyond most of our scopes of experience.  My heart broke at the sight of him and I wanted to help, but I don't have any money to give him.  I contacted our local news station and posted on Facebook, asking others to do the same.  If there is enough noise made, maybe they will do a story on him and he will receive some help from those more able to give.
     How did we get here?  What happened to our morals and love of our fellow humans on this planet that led us to situations where our elderly have to beg for help?  I cannot begin to imagine how emasculated and vulnerable he must have felt, we've all had bad times, but this....This just screams "WRONG, WRONG, WRONG"
     Pointing fingers, naming names, flinging accusations-none of these will solve our problems,  I believe it is up to us to stand up and say no more.  Can you help someone today, open a door for someone whose arms are laden with packages, let that car out into traffic even though you want to get home as well as they do.   Spend a dollar on a simple meal that might be the only one that somewhat raggedy person might have today.  I don't have all the answers, I just know if we don't start helping ourselves out here, all that is good about humanity may be lost in the fray.  We have to stop looking to someone else to fix what is wrong, if "they" were going to fix it, it would have been done by now. 
     To me, this gentlemen epitomizes a very scary concept, that after having worked most of our lives, we all end on on that curbside with a sign that says "I gave it all, I did my best.....I guess it wasn't good enough"

Ok, help me out here faithful reader, I have questions without answers brewing in my head.  We all do, I feel sure, but I just have to get them down on 'paper' so to speak, and see if it helps!

1.  Who decides the name of a font? 
       Is there a Font Namers Society with a huge board of directors?
      Do you submit the chosen name to a committee, with some obscure place of origin, like Fontville, Liechtenstein?
      Is there an award for being the best fonter?

2.  How stupid do the makers of commercials think we are?
      Do they test these ideas out in front of three year olds and if they don't puke, that's an approval?
      Is it necessary to show the same one two or three times in a row because they think we don't get it the first time?
      Is there anyway to shorten the 'shelf life' of a commercial so after seven days we never have to see it again?
      Does anyone remember the movie where the people in a care facility made up commercials and they were the truth?  I think Dudley Moore was in it, but memory is somewhat iffy these days.
     Can one submit ideas for better commercials?  I'm thinking my cats might be interested!

3.  Visitors to our lakes, rivers, ocean, parks or cities that leave a trail of trash behind them with no regard for anyone else.  
        It grieves me to no end to drive through the Columbia River Gorge, or ANY area, and see the debris left behind.
        You carry it in full, haul it up or down as needed, how hard is it to pick up your empties and properly discard them?
       
     Enough for today, the list is pretty much endless-tail gaters, rude people, abusers of anything two or four legged and parents that neglect their children.     

Life Tides

          Hurtful words.  Ammunition that can never be taken back; bullets that hurt and maim the heart and soul as surely as real ones rip through flesh.  Is the line between love and hate that thin?  How can an emotion such as anger obliterate that line to the extent that love ceases to have a say?  How many times can you crush love before it's unable to get back up and bring peace to the chaos that is anger?  It must be different for each person, just as the degree and intensity changes with each difficult encounter, so must one's ability to cope.
            We all have baggage and we all get angry from time to time, but why is it that we lash out at the ones that love us the most?  Why do we aim for the heart of the one person that stands when you stand?  Is it that we feel we don't deserve to be loved?  Can you stand on a beach, or a mountaintop and not realize we are but a blip in time and space?  Our time here is a blink of an eye in the scheme of things, wouldn't we all be better off it we could spend it in comfort, at the very least, if not sharing love?  Don't we all deserve that kind of respect for each other?
             A lot of questions, I believe there is no pat answer, that each of us has our own path to walk, and if we're fortunate enough to walk arm and arm with a friend, well, all the better for both.  Once in a while we are lucky enough to find a friend that will stay with us, despite our efforts to push them away.  Treasure that, know how special that gift is, love each other as fiercely as you can, for there are those that would tear it asunder; anger, grief, apathy and hate, just to name a few. 
            Hold on to your gifts, dreams and hopes, without them we are but an empty shell at the mercy of the tides of life.  They don't have to be huge, it's not a matter of degree, but of belief.  Every grain of sand hopes to be caught up in the swirl of the surf, every movement an adventure.  Ride the waves with me, let us share the rest of our time here linked by love.
           

What

       I cannot forgive myself for wrongs I have committed, so how do I think I can tell anyone else they should forgive. 
        I cannot forget wrongs I have done, so again, how can I tell anyone else to do that very thing.
        Is it an emotional shortcoming on my part?  Some mechanism not properly inserted?  More like a lesson still unlearned on my part, a part not nurtured properly for reasons long forgotten.
        Perhaps I saw that inability as a vulnerability; many of us developed coping skills as children to deal with situations we had no way to understand.  People used us a whipping posts, both literally and figuratively, so we had to create a place where the real world couldn't touch us. 
         I could blame it on my parents, they are no longer here to defend the truth of that reflection, but that would be less than candid of me.
         I could take responsibility for it, now there's a concept, and accept that I did hurt people, some knowingly, some not.   I wish I could personally apologize to everyone I have ever hurt, but that's not possible.  Nor am I able to 'fix' all the wrongs I have done.  As for those that have wronged me, I guess that is their cross to bear.
       Having said all of this, I can only humble myself before all concerned and ask for your understanding and compassion.  I stand before you, contrite; yet exposed to the emotions that bombard my senses.  They flood my field of vision, surrounding me as if standing beneath a waterfall.
       I don't know where to go with this....I feel....I feel....I feel...........

         
        

A GIFT

     My heart was touched today in the most unexpected way.  We don't always know how what we do, say or  write  will affect other people, or even if it will at all.  Today I received a gift from a friend that made my heart swell, it was so beautiful.  One can only hope that it helped both of us to heal a little more from the grief; we both lost our mothers' too soon, although, she much younger than I.  I cried as I read the tale she told, for her, for me, for our mothers too soon gone.  I ache for those not as blessed as we, who's mothers were present, but not there for them, mothers never able to break the chains of how they were abused or neglected as children.  For those of you out there that survived and became a better parent, in spite of never being shown the way love should work, I rise in a standing ovation of one.  I salute you for being the one able to change the bonds that held our ancestors down; for being strong enough and smart enough to say "no more!"  "It ends here and now"
      Our time here is so brief, cherish one another, be kind, take the time to appreciate all that you have, even if what you have may not seem like a lot, look inside.  There's so much there, so much untapped, let it shine across the sky like the Nothern Lights!  Thank you my friend for the gift you gave me, and I hope we can share it with others, as well.  Be strong, be true and be free.

Friendship

       Friendship, as in friends ship in and out of our lives?  Like ships that pass in the night, friends come and go.   Some are brief encounters and the ones we call friends, turn out to be nothing of the sort.  They are the collectors, the ones who steal little pieces of your  heart and soul, and leave  you feeling used and drained.  They take from you and never give you anything back. 
       On the opposite end of the spectrum come the rare gems that we all hope to be lucky enough to find at least one of.  It occurs to me I'm blessed in so many ways, having more than one true friend in my life.  I'm blessed in the respect that an old friend has come back into my life, a decade passing in between our last encounters.  The friendship has held fast, despite the time and space between us; it is renewed, refreshed, as we are with each other.   Ten years made into a nanosecond as the joy surged into my heart at the sound of her voice.   We now share each others thoughts and dreams on a daily basis, surprising each other with the similarities and life experiences that we have in common. 
       We admire each others' strengths, and reach out our hands to help through the weaknesses.  We know when to speak, and when to just listen and are aware when the silence bespeaks a thousand words.  I'm here, I tell her, and it echos across the miles and bounds back to me from across the sea; I'm here, she tells me.   I feel her hand on my shoulder when I have a difficult experience to relate and mine is extended to her, as well.
         I thank you, my friend, for being there, I'm glad our ships passed in the bright day's sun so we couldn't miss each other.  I'm glad the technology exists that allows us to still be close in spite of actual miles between us.  Be strong, be safe and know you are loved.

Dreams

Dreams.  We all have them, dreams, hopes, aspirations; some we bring along with us as we approach adulthood.  They grow as we grow, some by small increments, some by leaps and bounds, but sometimes someone steps on them, smashing our castles around us and grinding them into the ground with their heels.  They know not what they do to each and everyone of us who silently weep amid the rubble.  So the choice now becomes-let them win by crushing our spirit, or become a stonger and better person in spite of their lack of vision. 

That what doesn't kill us makes us stonger.  I think most of us have heard this phrase, but what do you think of it?  Is it a 'kill' in the literal sense of the word?  Kill one's spirit?  Kill one's dreams?  How can a child make this determination, all they feel is as if their world has shrunk to the size of their parents heel.  The remnants lay broken and shattered across one's heart, small reminders of once grand dreams. 

So we grow, and the most painful memories get moved back into the corners as the room fills with new experiences.  They don't go away, the pain lessens a bit, and we move on with our lives and maybe some of the dreams change.   Maybe the opportunity presents itself somewhere along the path of life and we're able experience those hopes from our youth.  If we can but hold, never let those dreams die away, keep a tenacious grip on the strings that bind those aspirations to us, we will survive.   I believe these are the things that strengthen our character, the very things create the kind of person we grow to be.....and, just maybe relieves our children from having to experience  that particular cruelty.   Maybe the prospect of becoming a pilot, a singer of songs, or a dancer across the stage of life, will become a reality.  

Never stop dreaming, nor stiving to fulfill those visions that were such a life sustaining part of our childhood.  They stirred our souls as demons worked their dark magic trying to drain them from us; but we held.  This day we can stand proud, our heads held high, and know we have accomplished our goals.

NEVER AGAIN

NEVER AGAIN

       Do you remember where you were on September 11, 2001?  In just a few months, we will stand together once again, in honor of those lost.  It will mark ten years gone by since the tragedy occured, ten years woven together with the tears and laughter, love and loss, each an intergral part of the other.

       Many lives came together in those days and weeks that followed, bonds formed, promises made, friendships grown from the roots of destruction; people refusing to give up, tired and dirty, yes, but unceasing in the quest for survivors.  We can close our eyes today and those images play acrosss our mind's eye, as clear as the first time we watched them.  So many emotions arise; sadness, disbelief, shock, and anger.  Through our tears we also preceive support, compassion, love and a tenacious nature to survive, literally rising from the ashes, like the phoenix of legends.

      As September approaches once again, we will be reminded more often of what happened on that fateful day.  We will again hear the survivors relate their narratives of families torn apart in an instance of madness.  Don't turn away, don't just sigh and change the channel.  Hear them. Remember them.  Honor them in whatever way is right for you.  They speak for the ones that no longer have a voice, they have become the eyes, ears and caretakers of words of those we lost.  We must be vigilant, we must not forget.  Don't allow their lives to have been taken in vain, keep love in your heart for it is hate that drives the killing.  Raise yourself up and say, "NEVER AGAIN"



AN ODE TO TREES

       An Ode to Trees

      Trees.  Miracles.  Gifts given to us, asking nothing in return except to respect their place in the wheel of life.  Stately arms, reaching up and out, welcoming all creatures, great and small.  They offer so much: a cool place to rest awhile from the heat of summer, protection from rain, and outstretched limbs to climb to seek out our next adventure.  Springtime bursts forth with new buds on each branch, with the promise of new hiding places for us and for out feathered friends.  In the fall, they explode with a glorious and riotous display of browns, golds and oranges for our eyes to behold.  All through the winter, the firs and pines hole the promise of shelter from the storms and the assurances that spring will come again.  Ice forms crystalline structures that sway and dance like translucent wind chimes, even as the snow creates a pristine sea of white.
        As the colorful array of leaves begin to fall, the trees' majestic structures stand out as if etched into the sky, branches extended, embracing each day with renewed anticipation of what may come.  Each one a unique blueprint of perfection, a celebration of every season, their beauty, as yet, unequaled by mankind.
        They stand as silent sentinels, the stillness broken only by the wind as it sweeps through the forests, seeking out each limb and twig, brushing all with it's touch.  The leaves make visible to us that which we feel caressing our skin, whirling and dancing, and lifting our hearts, ever upward, spiraling up to the heavens.
         We can stand amongst the giants of old, dwarfed and enfolded by the stately monoliths and ponder our existence.  Our regal friends help us to keep a perspective on how brief our stay is here on Mother Earth.
        Slow down, take the time to grow, I hear them whisper.  Draw your strength from the roots that anchor us and hold strong.  Feed your soul and your heart with  knowledge older than mankind, secrets our elders were well aware f.  Walk among these elegant titans, beautiful in any season, breathe in their essence, drink the elixir in through your pores and bow your head in reverence of trees.

COMPOSITIONS

         Sunshine                                       Rainshine

                       Moonshine                                 Starshine

         Sunlight                                           Nightlight

                       Starlight                                      Moonlight

          Daytime                                           Nightime  

                        Startime                                       Moontime

Shine each day with inspiration

   

           Light the way with hope

                                       Time is a fleeting notion

                                                Use it wisely throughout your life...